The Lie: Going With What You Know Will Keep You Safe

Recently while watching the news, I saw a story about a woman in Oklahoma whose house had been destroyed by a devastating tornado. Shockingly, it turns out that this wasn’t the first time her house had been wiped out by a tornado. A few years earlier the same thing happened and when it did, she chose to rebuild on the same spot. So, the reporter asked the woman, what would she do this time? Would she rebuild again? “Yes of course”, she said. “It’s what I know.”

Now an observer like you or I might wonder why this woman would choose to rebuild her house again in this same location when there’s plenty of evidence to show that it’s a dangerous spot and the house might be leveled again causing her even more suffering and maybe loss of life! But to her, it doesn’t seem like a choice. It’s what she knows.

The truth is this, everything in life is a choice.

Even breathing is a choice. We’re making choices every minute of the day. It’s just that we don’t realize it. It’s amazing to me how frequently in our own lives we make unconscious choices like this woman made and we write it off to “it’s what I know” or “it’s who I am”, as though it’s something we must do. But the reality is, this is just a limiting belief. It’s not true, we’ve just accepted it as truth.

You know, the funny thing about we humans is this. We’re biologically wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain in our lives. So, when we make an unconscious decision, like this woman likely did, we naturally drift to things that are comfortable or familiar to us. Because that feels more pleasurable than something new and unfamiliar. Most people think something new and unfamiliar sounds uncomfortable, so they instinctively want to avoid that. But the irony, as this story of the Oklahoma woman illustrates, is that the sameness of sticking with “what we know” may feel comforting and familiar (which we equate with safety), but in truth it may be creating more suffering in our lives, we just don’t realize it.

And this paradox doesn’t just exist in dramatic situations like this story of the Oklahoma woman. It also happens in our day-to-day lives. For instance, it happens to the people who continually find themselves in one toxic relationship after another. It happens to people who repeatedly find themselves stuck in the same kinds of dead-end jobs. It happens to people who accept unhealthy lifestyle choices as “fine. I’m just having fun” even when they see it’s hurting their health. And the list goes on. What all these stories have in common is that we often unconsciously drift towards and make choices based on something comfortable or familiar to us without being fully aware of the ways in which we’re choosing to repeat an unhealthy pattern which might actually be creating more pain or suffering in our lives. – Crazy, right?

There is good news though. We can fix that. Remember, we control our choices. We may not always love our options, but they’re still our choices. So, we‘re capable of choosing again.

If you really want to change something in your own life there are two things you can do to improve your circumstances right now!

First, start to pay attention to the choices you’re making throughout your day and the ways in which you may be making unconscious choices that are causing you to repeat unhelpful behaviors.

An example might be when we somewhat automatically pour ourselves a glass of wine at the end of the day as a way to unwind and de-stress, when that unconscious choice might in turn lead to unhealthy food choices, poor sleep and lower productivity the next day.

The second thing you can do to make a change is to commit to being more intentional about taking a step in a different direction.

To do that, we must replace an unconscious or automatic choice with a more intentional, healthier choice. Again, using the example of the end of day glass of wine, a new intentional behavior might be to go for a walk in your neighborhood to de-stress and unwind. Or have a glass of sparkling water or a cup of tea or other non-alcoholic drink that feels enjoyable to you instead of alcohol.

You see, most of the time making big improvements in our lives just comes down to developing an awareness of all the little ways we’re holding ourselves back and then taking intentional steps in a new direction.

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If you found this helpful be sure to check out the other articles and resources throughout the site. My mission is to help you make the mental shift you need to release old beliefs, habits and doubt and create a new, truer, more empowering life on your terms.